Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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