the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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