every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
