Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
