Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
