God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
