Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
