in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
