New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mom said you looked used
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
