I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
