She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
