I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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