Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she smelled like a LAN party
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
