I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
