One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
