Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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