OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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