thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
