they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have fence marks all over my body
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
