I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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