I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
