bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
