just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
