Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
