Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
