i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
