i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
