how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No subtext here. People are naked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
