My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
