Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
