We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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