If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
