some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
