All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
