If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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