He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
