apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
