I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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