Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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