Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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