if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
