Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
