Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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