I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
