You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
