There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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