God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
