thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
