That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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