Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
