dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
